Swim Lessons!

Well, today Berkeley and I start swim lessons. Well, not really lessons, it’s just a mommy and me class to help little ones get familiar and comfortable with the water. Sarah and Ella talked us into doing it with them. I’m so thankful to have a friend with a little girl Berkeley’s age so we can do fun things like this together. I don’t know if I would have done it by myself! I’m a little apprehensive about wearing a bikini being 5 months pregnant, but I figure I’m just going to lather on the self tanning lotion and do it anyway. I have no pride left when it comes to my body since 15 people were going in and out of the room while I was having Berkeley and my ‘nether regions’ were exposed for the entire world to see. I remember thinking at the time they might as well have aired it live on CNN!!!
I can really only wear bikinis since I have a longer torso and one pieces just don’t look right on me. Plus, they ‘ride up’ and I get irritated rather quickly trying to make sure my rear is covered all the time. Anyway, Berkeley and I are going to put on our triangles and go swimming!!! At least I can look on the bright side as far as my ‘girls’ are concerned. They are back and they are juicier than ever! I love the free boob jobs that pregnancy provides. The double D’s are fun to have even if only for a short period of time. (I don’t think they are double D’s, I think I’m just a single, but double D’s has a nicer ring to it I think.) At least they are somewhat perky again. I had no idea that breast feeding took all the ‘perk’ out of them and I have to admit I went through a season of mourning when I finished breastfeeding and saw the toll that had been taken. They were like two grief stricken, deflated flaps of skin that blew in the slightest breeze. But that Bible verse is true, He really did turn my “mourning into dancing” once I realized that bras really can be miracle workers!

Bizarre Dream

Since I have been pregnant I have had some really horrifying dreams. I don't usually remember any of my dreams when I'm not pregnant, but during this pregnancy I have had a tough time with really awful nightmares. They are too horrifying to recount, but one had to do with Berkeley, one with Oliver and one with Sterling. I usually wake up completely drenched in sweat with my heart racing. Then I have to trudge downstairs and self-soothe with some sort of chocolate morsel(s) in order to get my mind off of what I just experienced in my nightmare. Last night, however, I finally had a really amusing and bizarre dream that is too funny not to share...

We were all (Chris, Laura, Tom and I) over at my mom and dad's house for either mother's day or my mom's birthday and my dad had hired Toby Keith to sing some songs for her on her special day. I don't think she even knows who Toby Keith is in real life, but in my dream she was absolutely enamored with him. Anyway, everyone was outside Bar-B-Qing and I happened to walk in the house and discovered my mother making out with Toby Keith. As you can imagine I freaked out and ran back outside and told my dad. His response was to shrug his shoulders and say "Well, she thinks his tractor's sexy." I stood there, mouth agape, completely dumbfounded and said "Excuse me?" And then all of a sudden the lights dimmed and spot lights shone on us and we were all on Broadway. We broke out into song and dance and started singing the country song "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney. If you haven't heard that song the chorus goes like this:

"She thinks my tractor's sexy

It really turns her on

She's always staring at me

While I'm chuggin' along"

Side Note: I think if Keith Urban or Kenny Chesney were hired to perform for my mom and she was caught making out with either of them I'd say "Yeah Mom!!!" I think Keith and Kenny are both sexy. Not as sexy as my husband, mind you, but sexy nonetheless :)

Now, I'm not sure which is more disturbing to me...the fact that my 60 year old mother was making out with Toby Ketih or the fact that my brother-in-law broke out into song and dance with the rest of us, complete with jazz hands!!! I think they are equally distressing and every time I see Chris I am going to think of that song and ask him to do his jazz hands for me! He will just love that. I'm sure I'll receive an enormouse eye roll! I'm not going to share this dream with my mom since she would probably be highly offended that she was making out with another man even though it was just a dream. We'll just keep it between me, and, well, all of you. I'd like to think she hasn't made out since her honeymoon. The very thought of two 60 year olds doing that is enough to wreak havoc on my digestion and causes me to come dangerously close to losing my lunch! If anyone out there is reading this and happens to be 60 and enjoys that activity, my sincerest apologies. More power to you! But please, for the love of all that is good and holy, don't let your kids catch you :)

A New Room to Decorate!

Well, I am just about 20 weeks along and I think I've finally figured out what I want to do with Oliver's room. I am going to do a vintage surf theme. There is just one problem. All of the vintage surfboards I have looked into are incredibly expensive. The cheapest I have found is $800 and the most expensive is $10,000. I think I would probably be looking for a new place to live if I spent that much. I can get away with buying my cake plates and apothecary jars, but my husband would definitely put his foot down on a surfboard that will most likely never be used. I am contemplating just having one made out of wood and incorporating a shelf into it so I can hang it horizontally on the wall and put pictures and other paraphernalia on it. Then I could just have it painted to look vintage. I found the middle picture on ebay for $129 and the bidding ends on the 29th. I have never had a lot of luck with ebay so I will give it a try, but I'm not counting on getting it. If any of you have any ideas or suggestions please feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I may be knocking on your door and couch "surfing." Pardon the pun :)

Happy 3rd Birthday Ridley!!!

Yesterday was Ridley's 3rd birthday! We didn't celebrate...I just made cookies and gave her a little bit of dough for a special treat! Oh, that little Ridley...she has some spunk, let me tell you. She, along with 3 other females, was born weighing less than 1 lb. She weighs about 5 lbs now, but you'd think she weighed 120 lbs by her attitude. You may have heard of "little man syndrom." Most small dogs have "little dog syndrom" and Ridley has this in abundance! She can put any dog on it's back in submission. We have an enormous 130 lb bull mastiff in our neighborhood and whenever we are out walking Ridley he leaves the sidewalk and stands up in the grass, frozen in terror. Actually, his owner says he is terrified of all small dogs so it's not just Ridley. I think the larger the dog the bigger the teddy bear which is why I'd love to have a Great Dane! Maybe someday when we're retired :)

I call her my "little lawsuit waiting to happen" as she is also an ankle biter. She doesn't actually bite people's ankles, she just grabs ahold of their pant leg and pulls on it. She does it to me too when she wants to play and I have a few pairs of warm-ups with holes in the ankles from her. When our house was under construction, we were checking on the progress and she lost a tooth in a stranger's jeans cause she pulled so hard. It was a baby tooth and needed to come out, but we hightailed it out of there after he came over and handed us her little tooth and said "Your dog lost it's tooth in my pants." Oops, that is why she is a liability, but we love her :)

Between our two dogs, Ridley is actually much better with Berkeley than Sterling is. Berkeley will grab a sock or Tom's underwear and play tug-of-war with her and Berkeley giggles and giggles. For a little dog she is really quite good with Berk which delights me.

Laura once told me that a rat can fit through a hole the size of a quarter. Chris refers to Ridley as a "rat dog" and it is kind of true. When she gets in trouble she gets really scared and runs and hides and we can't ever catch her or get her out of wherever she is hiding. The last picture of her in the bath tub cracks me up because she really does look like a drowned rat!

Anyway, we love you Ridley, even though at times you cause us to pull our hair out in frustration. We'll keep you around for a while longer :) You're part of the fam!!

A New Hair Cut!

At last! I got my hair cut! I have been looking for a cute pixie cut for a while now and finally found an old picture of Winona Ryder that I liked. My husband does not like me with long hair (if it's long it has to be in a pony tail, out of my face and off my neck) and has been after me to get rid of all that "nonsense" around my face. So, I hired hair artist extraordinaire, Laura, and she came to my rescue! She 'chopped till she dropped' and made me over!!!

Thomas was happy with it and Berkeley didn't quite know what to think. She was a little shy when she first saw me. I sounded like me and resembled me, but didn't quite look the same as when she last saw me. She just kept looking up at my hair with this little tiny smile on her face as though the wheels were spinning and she was trying to make sense of it all! Laura said it is pretty common for little ones to be upset when their mom drastically changes their hair. Anyway, I think she approves and it's definitely nice having it out of my face! I have such thick hair that curling it is a waste of time because within a half an hour it is flat again. Plus, I am totally uncreative when it comes to hair. Laura most certainly received all of the artisitc genes in the family!!!

Whenever Thomas sees me coming he teases me and says "Hold onto your handbag, here comes Winona." If you remember, she had that little episode at Nieman Marcus a few years back. That's ok...Laura goes sky diving for thrills and Winona hides clothes in her bag. I guess everyone gets a rush in some way or another. I still like her and feel bad it all went down the way it did. Anyway, no worries, don't feel like you have to hide your wallet the next time you see me. If I want a rush I leave the dishes in the sink overnight :)